-- Nursing was really important to me...but somehow I did a half-ass
(pardon my french) job at the fight to continue it. Why?
-- Maybe it's because I felt like I was failing and it
almost felt better to let it slip away instead of continue to spend enormous
amounts of time, energy and emotional concentration on something that I felt
wasn't actually going to get better.
-- Maybe it's because when I gave Gwendolyn a bottle, she was happy and
full and she slept better and played better and stopped crying.
-- Maybe it's because the nursing process was so stressful for me and Gwendolyn when she would be frustrated with what she was getting from me
and start squirming and shrieking for more milk. When I gave her the bottle...it
felt like a relief.
I am so thankful to the Lord for giving me 3 months of almost exclusively breastfeeding. I am so thankful that he allowed me to get through the extreme pain I had in the beginning and gave me the gift of really getting the hang of the nursing thing and the opportunity to even feel like I knew what I was doing, even in public. That feeling of really "getting it" lasted about 3 weeks before things started going south...but it was very meaningful to me.
I'm so thankful to the Lord for answering my prayer..."Lord, I pray that I would be able to nurse my baby and that she would be able to get all she needs from my milk...and if this is not your will, I pray that you would enable me to trust you."
Well, as I've mentioned, the nursing thing is NOT going well and will be ceasing soon. But, my faithful God has answered my prayer...I do feel less upset and anxious about this than I ever dreamed I would have, at the beginning. I am able to trust Him with the feeding of my daughter. I praise Him for that!