As we plan for a new baby and doing the whole infant thing all over again, many questions come to my wandering mind...all relating to how we did things the first time around. I'm sure that's totally normal.
Being a parent is a strange thing. It's like you are learning and growing, just like the baby...but no one cares when you are hungry and if you start screaming and crying in the middle of the grocery store, you will just get weird looks and asked to leave.
Never-the-less, as we write our birth plan and prepare this new baby's sleeping arrangements, I can't help but wonder about the things that people talk about a lot.
- If Gwendolyn had been laid in my arms right away, would she be more cuddly now?
- If I wasn't such a basket-case after her birth, would she be calmer and less dramatic?
- If we had let her fall asleep on us more, would she be more flexible and restful, now?
But, as I lay awake at night because I'm so uncomfortable and have to pee at all times, there are those things that truly make me wonder...does the way a baby comes into this world and is nurtured in the first few days, weeks have a life-long impact on the person they become?
But, last night I was thinking about something else, as well. Let's say it's all true...the decisions we make in those first days with our baby are going to totally impact his personality and ability to cope with certain situations...and it will effect the rest of his life. Well, I thought, SO BE IT.
I began to remember that this life is short. It will have sorrow and hardship. It will be a journey of learning and growing. This life is temporary and we can take nothing from it when we die. The only hope any of my babies have is the Hope that is promised in the free gift of GRACE given by Jesus Christ, in His death on the cross, as he took the weight of our shortcomings, our complete failures, our down-right evil and wrong behavior.
I'm not going to stop preparing for my baby or making decisions that I think are best for his quality of life here, but I think the chance I will not screw him up in some way is slim to none. I guess he will have to rely on the One who made him, to redeem him.