Below are some lyrics from "Love Song for a Savior" (Jars of Clay)...
In open fields of wild flowers,
she breathes the air and flies away
She thanks her Jesus for the daises and the roses
in no simple language...
...Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call her and she will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she'll pray,
"I want to fall in love with you"
This song was on an album I used to listen to a lot when I was first introduced to Jesus Christ.
It's a nice song. Nice words.
But, quite frankly, this one always got the fast-forward from me. Why? Oh, I don't know...maybe it's because I shut down a little when confronted by overly-emotional expressions. Maybe it's because the ideas of "GOD" and "FATHER" don't feel synonymous to me. I don't know, I just think of this little girl, blissfully playing in this field of flowers and falling at the feet of Jesus, enjoying his embrace...and I just don't get. I don't "Feel" it. It's not that I don't consider the relationship a real one...quite the contrary. But, it's the blissfulness of what that little girl "feels" that I can't put my finger on.
Here's the thing...I just heard it for the first time, in a really long time, the other day. This time I wasn't trying to fit myself into the picture and see what it felt like there. But it was easy to image my little Gwendolyn running through a field of "flours" and laughing and loving without any hesitation. I vividly and simply envision the way she smiles and says "Jesis" when it's time to read her books at night and how the sound of her Daddy singing about his Savior, always calms her crazy little self.
When I think of Gwendolyn, these words..."Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him...Someday He'll call her and she will come running"...seem natural. I actually DO think that is what will happen.
I am interested by this logic...because, if it's true for Gwendolyn...then it's true for me. My relationship with Jesus Christ does, in no way, hang on a feeling or rely on a notion of fancy flowers. But, the cynicism I carry from my "life experiences" has made the run through the field of flowers more like a tired sprint through the grocery store.
I'd like to say this re-evaluation of the song has changed my life around completely and I have been, again, re-born in the embrace of my Jesus. Alas, that's not actually true. But, I can tell you this...God Does Not change...He does not vary with my current emotional state.
And, the picture I see of my Gwendolyn has found me, also, looking out the car window for my own field of flowers...daring to believe it truly exists.