There are a lot of beginnings of things that I don't like. For instance, the beginning of a new job, when you don't know what you are doing and usually have to follow someone around who does. Or, what about the beginning of an overwhelming project that you know will not see progress on for some time?
But, then there are those beautiful beginnings. Like, the beginning of being in love. Now, that's a good one! Everything is perfect and exciting and you can't eat or sleep (but in a good way)! Or, the beginning of a new school semester, with fresh notebooks and new pens...when your grades start over.
But, then again, even with the good beginnings it's so easy for my anxiety, worry or fear to turn them bad. Being In Love turns to I wish I knew where this was going. A fresh Semester becomes a time to start stressing about the syllabus.
And then, there is this baby thing...I thought this would be the best new beginning of all time. But, for me, it wasn't. I was an emotional train wreck. Just ask my husband, my mother, any girl who is related to me, and poor Lara Schubert! And, I'm not even sure if I'll ever get put together.
I was hanging out with my Gwendolyn in her room, yesterday, and I was feeling bad about not having been strong and confident; for her. But, almost as soon as those feelings of guilt were present...so was another one; a much stronger feeling. I remembered that The Lord's "Power is made perfect in my weakness" and, all of the sudden, I didn't feel so bad. I'm sure that my Gwendolyn will have many, MANY opportunities to witness my weakness...and that's okay. I pray that when she does, she will see where my only strength comes from and she will know that it's okay when you are weak and don't know what to do. I pray that the good friends in my life will remind ME of this, as I continue to "grow up" myself, inside the precious strength of my Lord.