I don't FEEL like being a mom right now. I FEEL like getting in the car and going to the grocery store by myself and leaving her to wine, alone. I'm pretty upset that she had a terrible nap at the very time I needed her to have a good nap so that we could have a good day doing what we need to do. We have no milk, meat, eggs, tomatoes and laundry detergent (amongst other things) and I need to go to the store. I just want to cry thinking about her little, obstinate body all contorted and arched as I try and put her in her car seat. SO annoying. I should have left her in that crib to cry all by herself. She needed more sleep. I'm always regretful at the decision to go get her. ALWAYS! Seriously, I'm not sure if I feel any love for her right now. I'm going to feed her and put her back to bed. I am going to shut her door and let her cry until she falls asleep. I wish I had purchased ear plugs.
5 comments:
27+ years later...I STILL remember how that feels!!...Love and sincere empathy...From one old Mother's heart to your young one... You are so precious, Jen!
When I feel like that, I drop Hunter off at my mom's and take the whole day to do WHATEVER I want...I highly recommend it. It's pretty much the only way to stay sane!!
I am so sorry you are having a bad day! Putting her in her bed is an excellent idea! So are ear plugs! Hang in there, I will pray your day improves!!!
I am so thankful that you write the things I feel on a daily basis.
The whole cry-it-out thing is not fool proof either, so don't feel bad for getting her. Sometimes i leave matthew and he cries and is in a worse mood all day. sometimes it works. WHATEVER!! Babies are of course, little miracles and we love them...but they are also dumb and annoying. attention all babies; If you are tired- GO TO SLEEP!!! If you are over-stimulated, CLOSE YOUR EYES!!
maybe start crying and screaming in front of her- sometimes I do that in front of matthew and he just stops and stares at me like I am nuts. but then he shuts up, so maybe being nuts speaks to babies...
thinking about you and i will pray your day gets better and your week is wonderful from now on!!
Hi, I'm Karen - I'm a friend of Cara's. I was in Crusade at UofA the year you were graduating I think. I stumbled across your blog because I was perusing the blogs attached to hers to kill some time. I'm a speech-language pathologist and I work with infants. Have you considered the possibility of infant reflux? Sometimes that can explain the poor sleeping and the inexplicable screaming and the arching when you try to put her down on her back in the carseat. I'm sure you've got a good pediatrician who may have already considered this, but if you'd like more information, I can give it to you. I know it's kind of weird to write this on your blog especially since I'm not someone you know. I apologize for that. I'm happy to talk to you more about it if you think it'd be useful. =)
doyle.ks@gmail.com
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